Pandemoniums - Battle of the Bullpen
by Jordan S
Summary: Distance, fighting and hopelessness. Is that what remains between them ? Beckett faces an uncertain future in regard of her partnership. And while she finds out what Castle really did as he worked with Slaughter, struggles Castle with his own Pandemonium. - Multi-Chapter, set after Headhunter. Caskett guaranteed.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N –_ Hope you will like the first Chapter of my Story. The second Chapter is already more than half done, the third too. I added a 'Point of View - Police' to my Story, which is for the general Overview (Police=Beckett), as well as the Timestamps. This is my first Story ever and English isn't my native Language, I'm German. So, I must admit that I am more than just a little nervous. But I'm having fun writing it. :D  
The Setting is after Headhunter in Season 4. Alright, Let's Go !**

* * *

Point of View - Police  
**Wednesday, August the 10th**

_7:00 a.m. - Police were called to market Square for a report about a "suspicious coin." Investigating officer reported it was a quarter._

"I told you so" Beckett rolls her eyes and sighs. She already looses her interest in the coin and focuses instead on the people walking by. She doesn't look but she hears it and she knew it, he couldn't just let it be, he needs to touch it. So she watches out of the corner of her eyes how he sinks on his knees and reaches out for the coin. His muscles flexing and she tends her head slightly to see clearly how his biceps begin to fill out his dark blue dress shirt. Her eyes begin to roam over his broad back and down to the curve of his buttocks _'If I could just...'._

"That's not the point. The point is, that I was right all along." His blue eyes gaze up to her and she blinks, rapidly coming back from her musing and _'Shit'_ she feels busted. '_Did he see me staring? But wait, is he serious ?'_ She turns her body to fully face him. "You´re kidding, right ? You´re not even in the slightest right. It could be a coincidence." And now he pushes himself up with such energy, that Beckett takes one step back in fear that he jumps in her arms. His eyebrows shoot upward and he looks somewhat shocked. She does too.

"Excuse me ? Did I just hear Detective there-are-no-coincidences-withing-a-murder-investigation tell me, that it could be a coincidence ?" And he is waiting, isn't he. He stares at her and tilts his head. _'You're kidding right ? You really want a honest answer to that, Castle ?'_ She puts her hands on her hip and stares him down. "This is not a murder investigation, Castle."

The corner of his mouth twitches and his eyes begin to shine. _'He doesn't give up, does he ?'_

"Well, it is a murder of some sort..." He grins mischievously and she looks for a blink of a second down to his lips. _'Yeah, right...'_ She folds her arms and narrows her eyes, fixating him_.._ "Murder of what , Castle ? My nerves?" His whole posture changes instantly, his shoulders sink and his hands go into his pockets. "Oh come on Beckett, aren't you even a little bit curious about it ?" And now he gets annoying, _'Great'_ she thinks. So she goes for a distraction.

"The only thing I am curious about at the moment is, where I get my coffee. Do you see any coffee shops nearby ?" '_This whole trip was a waste of time, but maybe_ I _can still get at least some use out of it.. '_ She lets her arms hang loose against her sides and starts looking around. _'There must be .. somewhere .. just one little hot delicious cup of coffee. Exactly what...'_. "Really Detective ? You are dumping this investigation for your primal needs ?" she spins her head and observes him. The corner of her mouth goes up and she grins seductive, her eyes shining with mischief as she steppes directly in front of him. "Believe me, Castle. You do not want to talk about my primal urges at the moment."

He gulps and his head moves back for an inch. His eyes roam hasty over her face and settle finally on her eyes. _'Oh, he is nervous.'_ she can tell. And a second later, she would have almost missed it, his expression changes completely, from nervous boy to cocky playboy. "I know one or two things about primal force Detective. I could lean you my expertise." Her smile vanishes right away and she can't resist, she rolls her eyes at him. With a confident step backwards she straightens her posture and narrows his eyes at him. "Coffee, Castle."

"Right." He nods, a grin still placed on his handsome face. "Every partnership needs a good foundation. So, coffee shop it is." And with that, he turns his head away and scans the area for their own personal drug dealer. _'Oh he thinks he is so smart, doesn't he... '_

* * *

Three loud knocks shake her out of her daydream and she needs some seconds to recover from the fantasy her imagination put her into. _'Was that the door ?'_ She looks around, her hands still resting on the newspaper from today and a half full cup of coffee beside it. She takes it in her hand, sips it _'Great, already cold''_ and makes her way to her door. A really short, old man with tousled grey hair and glasses greets her with a grin which reminds her of Joker from the last Batman movie she saw. _'Well, if that isn't creepy..'_ she thinks as she looks down to him and notices the pack of mail in his hands. "Mr. Padrovsky." she greets her neighbor with a polite smile. "Is there something you need ?". He still stares up at her with this weird look on his face. "Actually,.." he starts to reply "I bring your mail. Am I disturbing something ?" he stretches his neck and looks past her. Beckett regards him with a raised eyebrow _'Seriously ?'_.

"No, I'm just reading the paper. But thank you, Mr Padrovsky." she reaches for her mail as he drops his arms to his sides, which leaves the mail out of her radius. She furrows her brow a question on her lips as he begins "I told you, call me Harold." bewilderment plastered on her face as he goes on "So, make breakfast. I join you." he said nodding in direction of her kitchen. "Excuse me ?" was all she could get out at her current stunned state. _'What is wrong with this man ?'_ With slight force she begins to clasp her fingers stronger around the coffee cup and takes a deep breath. _'He is over 70, be patient.'_

"Ms Beckett," he seems on some sort of mission "you should have a man on your side in your advanced age. I volunteer, with pleasure." his grin widened even more as he steps inside her apartment. _'Okay, that's it.'_ she takes his arm and shoves him out of her apartment. "Thank you for bringing my mail, which i easily could have get myself. I don't think I need to listen to you calling me old. Seriously, what is wrong with you ?" she takes her mail out of his hand after putting him in front of her door and closes it with the words "Don't answer that. Have a nice day." adding with more force "Mr Padrovsky."

Behind the closed door she hears him leaving. She still can't believe it. _'What exactly just happened ?'_ After closing her eyes for a beat she makes her way back to the newspaper. Watching for the time she nods and gets herself a new coffee. _'Still 30 minutes left'_ she thinks and sits again, her eyes begin to roam over the section she last read, Police Reports. _'There are really some weird ones..'._ Tipping with her finger over a specific line, she murmurs "A caller reported a suspicious vehicle stopping at mail boxes. Investigating officer reported it was the mailman." She rolls her eyes, _'Great use of police force.'._ As she goes over some other articles, a thought hits her. _'Maybe the caller was Castle. Thinking the postman was a disguised CIA agent. I can clearly see him stalking the poor man.'_ A slight smile begins to show on her face before reality comes back to her.

She sighs and leans back. An uneasy feeling crawling out of her subconscious. _'Its already two month..'_ she thinks and rubs absently at her wrist. _'Maybe he doesn't come back.'_Closing her eyes she remembers the last time seeing him.

* * *

_Five Days Ago...  
_**Wednesday, August the 5th**

The clock reminds her that it is already 6.42 pm and even the sun, starting to get set, yells at her that the night is coming. _'Only some pages left..'_ Beckett sighs loud as she works herself through some annoying paragraphs. The whole day was just a single pain in the ass, full of paperwork. And she hated it, more than normal. It was boring and exhausting, especially when Ryan and Espo were out and no one was there to distract her with some goofy remarks or refills of coffee.

Her brows furrow and she starts fidgeting with her pen, concentrating on her work as she hears the elevator doors opening. Her insides begin to twist as she hears it, the low and rich laugh of Richard Castle, echoing through the bullpen. She tries to resist the urge to turn her head, fighting an inner battle with herself, her annoyance and frustration against the urge to be near and fulfilled with just .. Castle. In an instant she rolls her eyes at her own silliness. _'Jeez, get it together.'_

As she hears Detective Slaughters stupid remark to something Castle must have said, she turns her head. Unable to let the moment to get a glimpse at him go to waste. And as she slowly turns her head sideways, she can't prevent her jaw to drop to the ground by the sight twenty feet from her. That wasn't at all was she was expecting.

In the hallway, the middle of the bullpen, was Castle, offering an impressing view of his determined walk with Slaughter beside him. Only dressed in a black v-shirt and dark blue jeans he makes a breathtaking appearance.

It hit her completely by surprise as her cheeks went deep red while her eyes catches the pronounced muscles on his body. Yes, she noticed him getting fit over the last months, but she hasn't seen him in such tight clothes, which hugged his body this good, in ages. _'Oh God. He must have lost around 20 pounds of weight...'_ she thinks _'and gained quite some muscles.'_

She watches silent as the two of them make their way to Captain Gates office. But before he and Detective Slaughter enter, Castle stops and begins so fumble with his phone. Not wanting to get caught staring, Beckett lowers her view to the papers on her desk, because she is working, inst she ? She doesn't look busy, she is busy. _'Yeah, right..'_she mentally rolls her eyes. Her ears make out a "Again ?" from the bothered sounding Detective Slaughter. "You're starting to make a habit out of it, Sherlock." he complains and Beckett lifts her head the moment Slaughter gives Castle a slight punch to the Shoulder. "Go, but you know what that means. You pay the next drinks !" Her eyes follow Castle, roaming over his broad back as he vanishes from the bullpen without looking at her at all.

* * *

A chorus of horns shake Kate back. With her cup of coffee in tow she makes her way over to her window. The cold from the night still present in her wooden floor and she begins to wiggle her toes inside her socks. She studies the people down on the street, already full in motion. Which reminds her, _'The time...'_ she thinks and with a quick view to her watch she reassured herself that she has still some minutes left. Leaning against her window she inspects the mug. The black ceramic capturing her coffee, with big white letters printed on the front, is clutched between her fingers. _'At least you don't slip through my fingers'_ she thinks at she eyes her cup which reads Richard Castle.

_'How did I even get this thing ?'_ one eyebrow lifts up and she shakes her head slightly. _'Alright, I remember. Forget that.'_was all she thought before focusing back on the problem at hand.

Castle.

He was pulling away, even after she helped him and had his back at Slaughters case with the severed heads. _'And I thought it had been enough..'_ she cursed inwardly at her own incapability to get through to him. To show him that no matter what had happened, she was still there. They were partners, she will have his back. _'Maybe he is really tired of waiting for me. Maybe Lanie and Dr Burke were right.'_ shaking her head she concludes _'Maybe ? It should be clear by now that I definitely waited too long...'_. she bumps her head lightly against the glass of the window.

"So Beckett, what do you want to do now?" she asks herself low-voiced like Dr Burke would ask her the question. _'It would be a start to have him back in the team, so...'_ and there was the main problem, wasn't it.

Gates.

Two month ago Captain Victoria Gates was on some sort of rampage after hearing Castle telling her that he was finished with Slaughter and wants to come back. She can still hear the Captains furious voice resounding through the walls. "This is not your personal jungle Mr Castle ! I will not tolerate you switching divisions as it suits you." Beckett saw her folding her arms and looking straight at him before she raised her voice again. "You will not be returning to homicide before you stayed at least two month down in the gangs unit. Are we clear ?" She pointed with one finger at him before she added "And don't you dare to start with the mayor ! Now, out."

Maybe Gates thinks that Castle will behave more serious or like a cop after the two month with Slaughter, but maybe she just hopes he will quit after some terrible cases with him. _'Yeah,..'_ Beckett thinks, _'definitive the last one.'_

But wait, Gates isn't really the problem anymore, isn't she ? The two month are already as good as done. _'So..'_ she resumes _'the question is, does he still want to come back ?'_And that's where the dog lies buried.

* * *

_Two Weeks Ago...  
_**Monday, July the 27th**

The bullpen is already as good as empty. And Beckett, who is currently sitting on her chair is going through a bulk of financial reports from her main Suspect. The empty Chinese take-out box abandoned on her Desk. She just browses between two Reports as she sees Esposito approaching.

"Yo Beckett." he calls out to her, what makes her lift her head to obtain eye contact. "You got something ?" she asks hopeful, but he shakes his head after regarding the reports. "Nothing new on our suspect, but." he starts and waits a second. "You remember my guy down in gangs ?" he asks her without waiting for an answer. "Seems like our boy made himself quite a reputation down there."

Beckett tends her head to the side and raises one hand to rub her neck. "What do you mean ?" she questions with furrowed brows.

"What I mean is, that he had his fair share of fights and arrest down in gangs. They say that .." Espo hesitates at this point, which causes to pick Beckett's interest. "That ?" he looks around nervously. _'Interesting. What could that guy have done that makes Espo this agitated ?'_ thinks Beckett before crossing her legs.

"They say that as long as he keeps to stay alive, he is a great partner for Slaughter." and Beckett watches as Esposito swallows, his Adams apple slowly going up and down.

_'Oh..'_

She widens her eyes as she comprehends what he was talking about all the time. _'Castle. Slaughter and Castle being partners. No wait, not only partners... Great partners.'_ Beckett flinches and Espo observes her with a worried look on his face. She lowers her head to have the reports back in sight and responds with a reserved voice "That's, .. great." before she gets some folders in her hand to have a reason to get up. "I still need to get these files archived Espo." And turns around trying to leave her own crime scene.

"Look Beckett.. " Espo intervenes before she has the chance to make a step. "I bet its not as bad as it sounds. Two month are almost up, I'm sure he will sit in this chair the second Gates lets him come back." he tries to reassure her. And yes, it helps a little bit. So she let out a soft sigh, presses the folders tighter to her chest, changes the direction of her head to establish eye contact and nods with a twitch in the corner of her mouth. _'Thanks Espo.'_

He nods back, message received.

One hour later, the boys have already left and she stands alone at the murder board as Castle approaches the bullpen. Before she can say anything, he asks with a short gesture to the board. "A weird one ?" Casually shaking her head she answers "No. No just ... Something is missing." Out of her eyes she sees him nodding.

"Maybe you should call it a day, get a fresh perspective tomorrow." A short smile crosses her face. _'Always the thoughtful.'_

"Castle, there is something i would like to know." she looks at him curious. And for a short amount of time she could have sworn that his expression showed some sort of anger.

"Shoot."

And as Beckett turns her body to fully face him, her eyes observe him. He looks tense now, even uneasy. _'Jeez Castle, what do you think I will ask you ?'_ But instead of letting this question escape out of her mouth, she says "I have to admit I'm actually quite of surprised. I didn't thought Slaughter would let you ride along again after the last event. So, how did you do it ?" She needs to know, she doesn't think Slaughter is a guy who forgets that Castle doesn't had his back.

"Well, .. "he starts hesitant. "we might have some sort of .. arrangement." he shrugs and his shoulder loose some of their tension.

"Arrangement ?" Beckett questions and lifts an eyebrow. But before something more can get out of her mouth, Castle sighs "Yeah.. you know." he waves his hand dismissively while looking with a bored expression to the murder board.

She gets angry. _'What the hell is wrong with him ?'_ Her brow furrows and she narrows her eyes at him. "No Castle, I honestly don't know what you are talking about."

It seems that he registers her frustration. He puts his Hands inside the Pockets of his Jeans as he glances for a fleeting moment over to her. "I might have needed to make some calls ?" he tells her with insecureness and a hushed tone. "Turned in some favors..."

"You bribed him." It was more a statement than a question. Castles eyes widen and with a high-pitched voice he counters. "No ? I didn't bribe him." but the twitch in the corner of his mouth afterwards gives him away. "I volunteered my help by some of his disputes." Beckett rolls her eyes at him and leans with one arm against the murder board. "That what the cool kids call it these days, Castle ?"

His body language tells her that she has hit some sort of nerve. He straightens himself in a swift movement, his eyes stare into hers as he opens his mouth. The tone deep and so serious, rather unusual for him. "Beckett, what do you want ?" he didn't even blink as Beckett winces. "Gates didn't let me come back. I needed to accomplish that Slaughter doesn't refuse to work with me,.." he shrugs with a weak smile, which doesn't feel genuine. "I didn't exactly had a choice." She doesn't know what to say to that, she averts her eyes and begins to scan the photos on her board, as the unpleasant silence fell over them.

"Besides ..." Castle throws into the awful quietness and she gives him her full attention back. "Besides ?" He stares past her, in direction of the elevator and with a dejected shrug his voice reaches her ears with a sound that sends her heart in distress. "If you believe it or not, there are people who actually like to work with me. Even if Slaughter and I had a rough start." She swallows, hard. Wondering when she took the wrong path which would explain this outcome between them.

Her feet carry her with resolve in front of him. Her right hand raises to his arm, but he doesn't respond or blink, doesn't even look at her. As her finger begins to feel the soft fabric of his dress shirt, she can only think about the things she want. And she wants to show him that she is here, that she is sorry, misses him and that Yes, ...

_'I want you ..'_

".. Castle" her voice delivers his name with a whisper, her eyes roam over his face, searching for the eye contact she so desperately needs. And she feels as if a burden has been taken off of her, because he reacts, he responds and turns his head to her. Staring at her, direct into her hazel-green eyes. She starts to falter and feels how the butterflies in her stomach begin to flow through her veins. "I just.." her lips tremble "I want .."

She looks up at him, completely forgetting that she wants to say something and just stares into his rich blue eyes. Searching inside them for a sign, a spark of hope, that he still waits for her, wants her. But his piercing glance cuts right through her, he just stares at her as if he wants to break through her. Her hand deepens the grip on his arm and they just stay there. Looking at each other without making a sound. She thought it were minutes, electrifying, wonderful minutes, but reality crashes down on her just two seconds later as she hears the buzzing sound of a phone calling for his owner. "That's mine." he says as if nothing happened at all. And maybe Beckett just dreamed it herself, maybe it was just wishful thinking. The attraction between them, maybe she is the only one feeling it now.

"I need to get this, excuse me." She hears him say as she stares into the emptiness and tries to mentally recollect some of the peaces of her heart lying on the floor. "Goodnight, Detective." was the last thing she hears and as she looks in the direction he was last heard by her, she only sees the closing elevator doors, with Castle holding his phone to his ear, inside.

* * *

Beckett takes another sip of her coffee. It tastes stale and she returns back to her kitchen to put the mug away. As it lands in her sink, her eyes already search for her phone. She grabs it and starts to stroke the white case. _'Maybe I should just call him.'_ she thinks and debates with herself. _'And what do you want to say ? Hey Castle, are you coming back? Do you still love me ?'_ she sighs and rolls her eyes. _'Yeah,.. that doesn't sound desperate at all. But I am desperate, aren't I ? God, get it together Beckett.'_ With a swift look at her watch she makes her decision. _'Okay, that's enough.'_ she puts the phone in the back pocket of her Jeans and starts to gather her things.

_'If_ _I don't see him today, I call him.'_and with that she gets out of her apartment and on the way to the 12th.

_- TBC -_

* * *

___A/N –_ Turns out i got some formatting Problems here with the Space between the Paragraphs.. It looks so bunched together. Even the Double Space-Tip didn't work out. I even tried to edit the HTML - Code, but it won't save how i wrote it. Sad, but until i figure this out it must stay this way.. If someone knows what i must do, don't hesitate to say it. Would be great if you would tell me what you think so far ! And thanks for reading it ! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N – Yay ! I finally finished this chapter. Took me a little longer then I thought but I didn't wanted to post it before i was at least half satisfied with it.  
It continues direct from chapter one. And please don't hate me, I'm a huge caskett shipper too, but we need the drama ! Don't loose hope !  
_**

**_Thanks for the nice reviews. I give the best I can. Worked on my capital letters ! It is a little odd, in German you write so many words with capital letters and there are so many rules. God i love English. :D  
I'm rambling, let's get to the story instead._  
**

* * *

Point of View - Police  
**Wednesday, August the 10th**

Her right foot taps impatient against the ground. _'Too. Damn. Slow.'_ she curses into the small room. She pushes the button again. And another time. _'How slow can this thing be?'  
_

The elevator jogs with a patient rate upwards. Beckett fixates her stare on the numbers symbolizing the floors and begins to count slowly backwards. Giving her mind a countdown before entering homicide and dedicating herself to her work.

_'Three.'_ She imagines Castle before her, handsome and smiling at her like he had always done. _'What I would give to get this smile back.'_ she hums in a low tone as something creeps in the back of her head. _'What do you want to call him for ?'_ her humming dies down immediately. _'Didn't he made it pretty clear how much he cares about you the last months ? Just accept it finally..' _

_'Two.'_ The vision starts to blur and she catches herself wanting to rise her hand to stop him. But doubt begins to crawl out of his hiding place and holds her back.'You_ really want him ? The man who was distant over the past months ? The man who disappointed you with his behavior ? Who waltzed in here with this blonde bimbo ? Who is not ready for a real commitment and doesn't seem to wait anymore ? Don't two ex-wife's talk for itself ? Face it, the playboy is not his old image, it's just who he is..' _

_'One.'_ His image has faded away. She stumbles. Sure, she wants to know if he still loves her. But does she want a man who doesn't seem capable of a serious relationship ? _'No..' _She sighs heavily_ 'But if I can't have this relationship with him, then I at least want my partner back.'_ she blinks and wonders if she can really deal with that. Not giving in to her feelings for him. _'Yeah, sure... I can do that.'_

Ding. Beckett stares at the doors. _'Alright.'_ she takes a deep intake of breath _'Get him back in the Team__.'_ and she waits for the doors to open.

"Lets go." she commands herself mumbling.

The thick doors of the elevator open with a smooth sound. As Beckett makes her first move out of it, she is greeted with a very unusual view. With a quick double-check she notices that yes, this is the right floor, homicide. But that, she thinks as her eyes record her surroundings, is everything else but the normal state of her workplace.

"What the hell happened ?" she asks an officer walking by and motions to the destination of her shocked stare.

He shrugs as he walks by "Like i would know. Probably some scumbag trying for an escape." leaving Beckett behind, still cataloging the view manifesting before her. _'Are you kidding me ? This looks like a fucking battlefield...'_ she thinks short tempered and takes note of the casualties.

There were pens lying around, spread over the whole flooring. Papers and folders weren't on her desk where she left them last night, they were beside and under her desk as if someone kicked them around. _'Oh no.. '_ she moans _'my elephants..'_ as she sees the little white figures completely destroyed on her desk. She steps to her workplace, grabs her chair and lets herself fall down in it. Her hand rubs her forehead, she closes her eyes a brief moment and takes a deep breath.

What a mess.

But while she debates with herself if she wants to clean up or get a coffee first, some little object catches her attention. _'Is that a calculator ? Does people still use these ?"_ It wasn't really obvious from her point of view, but something nudges at her to move. She shoves her chair back and gets back on her feet, making her way over to the corner where she saw it. And now she can clearly make out what it is, it isn't an old school hand calculator like she thought, it is a device. A little, black, rather modern phone lying on the ground. _'I wonder who it belongs to..'_ she thinks as she makes her way back to her desk. Instantly she freezes by her next thought _'I hope its not Gates.'_ Inspecting the nice looking gadget she notices that it is still supplied with power and she easily turns the standby mode off.

_'Huh..'_ she observes stunned.

She is greeted with the smiling faces of Martha and Alexis. _'Wow..'_ she figures _'Castles phone.' _

As if it where some sort of idol, Beckett clasps the device firm in her hands. She is sitting back in her chair as she takes a quick look around. The bullpen is still rather empty, even the captain isn't there yet. What is she supposed to do now ? Looking back down on her hands, which embrace the device as if it were a fragile treasure, she comes to an easy conclusion. _'Watch it until he comes searching for it.'_ she nods and puts the phone near her keyboard.

While tidying up her place and clearing her desk from the shards, who where her elephants only remains, she caught herself sending little glimpses to Castles phone. _'He isn't that careless typically.'_ she thinks and sits back in her chair, crossing her legs. _'But he usually doesn't call her drunk either..'_ Her elbow rests on her desk as she lifts a hand to support her head. A silent sigh breaks free as she remembers the events from last night.

* * *

Last Night - 3 a.m.  
**Wednesday, August the 10th **

It is raining, she can clearly hear it, but the constant drum of the raindrops against her window isn't what brings her out of her slumber. It's the buzzing sound of her phone who disturbs her night. She groans and turns on the side to grab it.

"Beckett" she barks into it. She isn't on call tonight. So, whoever it is needs a damn good reason to call. _'God, what's even the time...?'_

"Hey, .. Kate.. " The voice sing-songs into her ear.

_'Oh..'_ She recognizes him immediately but can't quite believe it.

"Castle ?" The hand which holds her phone, presses it firmer against her ear. She hears multiple voices and, what is that, music ?

"Yeah.. yeah.. " he answers distracted as if his focus is on something completely else. She holds the phone briefly from her ear and gets it into view. Narrowing her eyes to the bright display. _'Strange.. that's not Castles number.'_ The caller id isn't familiar at all to her.

"Is everything okay ?" asking after awhile. Despite the loud noises she can hear him, slowly breathing on the other end of the phone. She doesn't need to wait, he answers her immediately.

"Yeah !" he says startled, but it also sounds as if he wants to reassure her. Furrowing her brow and irritated by his monosyllabic answers she asks. "Okay ? Then ... " she takes a deep breath. "..why are you calling ?"

"Huh.. " _'Does he actually sound surprised ? Seriously ?'_

"Castle ?" She is not sure if she should be concerned or angry. "Are you sure that everything is okay ?" She is rewarded with complete silence. With a brow lifted and her temper rising she asks curious and in hope to still get an answer if she keeps talking. "Castle, are you drunk ?"

"Yeah. Yeah." _'Oh Boy...'_ she sighs. _'Great.' _

"You know, your answers start to annoy the hell out of me." She sits up in her bed, her head leaning against her headboard. Straightening some of her sheets while listening to the noises on the other end of the line.

"Sorry. I was thinking.." Her finger begin to massage the bridge of her nose. After taking a deep breath she answers him with a slightly annoyed voice. "Should i call someone ?"

"Huh ?"

_'Well..'_ she thinks, while a smile is faintly visible on her face. "To prevent danger..."

"Oh.. ha.. yeah." He snorts half amused. "Wait. No ! I mean,.. sorry."

She sighs while listening to people talking and laughing on the other end. _'He seems to be on a party.'_The bass drones though the phone. Opening her eyes she fixates her glance in direction of her bedroom window. It was still raining, she can hear it, but the curtain prevented her to look outside and the streetlights to brighten her room. The only source of light in her bedroom was the display of the little device in her hand.

"Its kind of late, Castle. Do you know what time it is ?" _'What is this even about ?'_she debates with herself to hang up on him. She isn't really in the mood to have a conversation with him if he is drunk. This could get too embarrassing for both sides.

"Why Beckett, you don't have a watch ? Need me to come over and read the time to you ?" he retorts with a cocky voice.

"No ? Because its three in the morning and you woke me up."

"You know .." With a deep and vibrating tone he hums in her ear. _'God..'_ She breathes out. Goosebumps make their way over her arms. Her eyes close slowly, while a warm sensation creeps up from deep down and makes it's way through her whole body. She can't avert it, she momentarily looses some of her self-control. Her free hand moves under her sheets and begins to caress her thigh slowly. As one finger softly begins to stroke her skin by drawing fine lines over it, she pictures him. How he crawls before her, only dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans. Making his way to her, patiently, his dark blue eyes staring at her full of lust. Lifting his left hand he grabs her at the same place where her own hand caressed her skin, just seconds ago. His muscles flex and she stares at his half naked body, unable to look away, yearning to feel him underneath her fingers. He strokes her thigh gently, while she sits before him, her legs spread wide. "..when i picture to wake you.." She startles, her eyes jump open. _'God, what am I doing...'_

Taking short breaths she tries to collect all her thoughts back on track. _'Get it back together, Beckett.'_She needs to concentrate, to remind her of the actual situation. And after some long seconds, she thinks she is finally good again, her voice able to sound strong enough to make him clear that its not the time for his innuendos. Even if her cheeks are still deep red.

"Castle !"

"Mmh ?" He doesn't even seem to be bothered. _'He is really out of it, isn't he ?' _

"What do you want ?"

"Why Detective Beckett, i never pictured you being this upfront in be.." she interrupts him before anything more can come out of his mouth. She can only think of one thing now to get this conversation forward. So she says, deadpan.

"I'm hanging up."

"NO ! Wait Beckett.. listen." And it seems to work. He sounds mildly panicked.

"What is it Castle ? I'm not really in the mood for.."

"I'm so.. sorry." His forlorn tone send her mind in overdrive. "What are you talking about ?"

"I was thinking about this whole big situation and how i just screwed everything up. You know,.." he is fumbling with the phone. She can hear the scratching, as if he tries to damage the casing of the phone with his nails. "I thought it would work out this way. But.. Kate ? Shit, what did i do ? I'm so confused. God, i don't even know .." She swallows, holding her breath. _'What does he mean ? What did he do ?'_ She is desperately searching for the right words now and simultaneously trying to make sense of his rambling. _'He didn't actually DO anything, did he..?'_ Rolling her eyes at herself in her dark room. _'This is Castle we're talking about..' _Then it hit her. _'Oh, our current situation. Right... the tension and distance between us. The flight attendant.'_

"Kate ?" Yes, yes. She was still here. She just needs a minute to calm down.

"Yes Castle, I'm here." Slowly breathing. "Listen." She changes the position in her bed, lying down again she rests her head on her pillow. "You're drunk. And I don't think that is the right condition for having this conversation. Let's talk about this tomorrow." She hopes she is doing the right thing, that he still wants to talk about it when he is sober. _'Come on Castle, give us a chance.' _

She lets a breath out she didn't knew she was holding, as he answers. "Yeah.. right. Sure. Okay...that's, yeah that's good. Tomorrow then.." She lifts one arm over her closed eyes and smiles into the dark. Because he isn't pulling away, he wants to talk. And they made jokes, it is a start. Yeah, even if he is drunk.

"Come on Romeo, get movin !" A not at all familiar female voice chirps happily through the line, as if standing directly beside him. What she probably did. Beckett's smile fades instantly away, as does her hope. _'Damn__.'_ she curses silently.

"Yeah.. a minute.." He seems to talk to the other woman, the one who was most likely hanging on his shoulder after speaking juicy things into his ear for the whole evening. _'I bet.' _

"Who was that ?" she asks a while later. Not being nosy at all.

"That ? Oh, Elena. Yeah.. " he sighs. "we work together."

She blinks _'Yeah right, they work together.. Sure.'_ Jealousy burns inside her while her anger rises. _'Why are you doing this Castle ?'_ Her heart aches. But don't jump too fast to conclusions. She needs to breath, to come down. He wants to talk to her, he made it clear just a minute ago, that he regrets what he did. _'He wouldn't regret it and make out with another woman.. that makes no sense Beckett.' _

_'So ..a party..'_ she muses silently, still trying to gather herself from her emotional roller-coaster. _'they work together, he doesn't sound nervous.'_ she concentrates on the information at hand. _'Probably a book party. Either that or he is already done with me and just wants to save our partnership..' _She begins to nibble on her lower lip._ 'No, wait. He calls from another phone ! So he borrowed one, most likely from her then. It's a logical explanation. He is most likely telling the truth then.'_ a relieved breath escapes her now parted lips. "Okay.. okay, that's good."

"What ?" _'Shit ! Did I say that out loud ?'_ But before she could even think of some sort of excuse, he cuts in. "Beckett ? Hey I'm sorry.. I need to go. The phone.." and this time she interrupts him sounding relieved while a tender smile settles on her face. "It's okay Castle, I understand"

"You do ?" he asks bewildered and the only answer he gets is her soft humming while she thinks _'Sure Castle'._

"Let's get you laid.." was all Beckett heard the woman saying as the time in her bedroom immediately stopped. It felt like hours, no one said anything. It was a complete standstill. Her thumb finally found the counteraction to release her from this moment as he pressed the button on her phone to hang up. And she welcomed the silence of her room while her brain apparently stopped working temporarily. She was in shock. She couldn't think nor move. Her phone was still hold firmly against her ear, but her nerves seemed to be reacting faster than her brain could form a coherent thought. Because her hand initiated a life of his own as it lightly began to tremble. A silent tear escapes his prison as it rushes down her cheek, on the run from hope itself. _'No way...'_

* * *

She brushes a strand of hair out of her face while she waits for her computer to boot. Emotionally still captured by her vivid remembrance of the late-night call. _'No coffee'_ she observes as her eyes stroll in search for nothing explicit over her desk. Her finger begin a nervous tap on her keyboard while she ponders to get herself something from a delicious, black and oh so hot liquid. With a blank stare her eyes fixate Castles phone.

_'He didn't had his phone last night as he called..'_she muses while her finger still taps the F on her keyboard for the umpteenth time.

_'So, I left the precinct yesterday at 10 pm, he must have been here before 3 am. That's after I left here and before he called me from the party.'_ Her tapping comes to a halt. Standing up from her chair she makes her way over to the break-room. _'This whole mess and his phone lying on the floor must be connected.'_

The cup she takes out of the cupboard feels cold in her hand, she clutches it between her hands while going over to the espresso machine. _'..that can't be a coincidence..'_ she thinks. The hot coffee runs into the white NYPD cup until the machine refuses to pour more of the hot beverage into it. But she doesn't really took notice of this, the unauthorized strike wasn't were her focus lied.

_'What the hell happened here.. ?'_ She asks herself again while staring through the window, surveying the bullpen. Sighing she shrugs it off. _'Not that it is important..'_ Lowering her eyes on the cup she notices that it is only half full. _'He probably did something stupid.'_ She presses the button on the espresso machine again and it releases the imprisoned coffee without any more complains. Taking the sugar and giving some into her coffee she ponders _'He didn't seem concerned or stressed because of it..'_Mesmerized she stares into her coffee and stirs it with a spoon.

_'But...' _

Instantly her head jerks upwards. _'No way..'_ She spins around and pauses for a moment. There it was again, her breath caught. Her legs carry her away from the espresso machine, abandoning her coffee. She gets faster, her hand briefly catching the door frame while she begins to jog down the empty bullpen. Passing by the desks of other detectives she zero's in on her own private workspace. _'It's vibrating. Castles phone is vibrating. It's Castles.'_she stammers inwardly.

She stops before making her way completely to her desk. _'Why am I running ?'_ Quickly she checks her surrounding, afraid someone might have witnessed her little panic attack. She lets out a relieved puff of air as she is sure and relieved that nobody actually saw. She makes her way slowly to her desk, while shaking her head at her own silliness. _'It's just his phone, calm down.'_ she tells herself, the little black device still vibrating on her desk. There is also music playing, which she never heard before. It was a slow beat, slowly going faster and also louder. It was nice,.. really. Somehow soothing. Well, that was until a loud shrieking voice screams out of the little thing and drowns the soothing music from before. Beckett lifts up one eyebrow. _'Is that a man ?'_ She can't quite believe it, but she knows one thing for sure. _'God Castle, that is terrible.'  
_  
She grabs the phone from her desk. Pressing her thumb over the speaker to quieten the volume of the music. _'Jeez, just quit it already.'_ she grumbles while the persistent caller doesn't make a move to give up. She looks up again, still no one around. _'Good.'_She thinks for a split second until she comes to a decision.

Women's Restroom.

Cradling the phone in the palm of her hand she sits anxious on the toilette seat. Her right foot taps nervously. The call ended already and its not ringing anymore, but it seems someone has send an email while she was getting coffee. _'Great.'_ she thinks rolling her eyes. _'Not even do I have his phone, totally chickened out as someone called. As if I had stolen it... No, I also hide in the restroom.'_ she looks back down on it and sighs. The caller was not in Castles contact list, there was a number, not a name. So, no way for her to find out who it was, at the moment. But, she lends her head towards the wall, there was an email. _'No, you are not snooping around in Castles phone, Kate !'_ she instructs herself. _'But it is so tempting.'_ shaking her head slowly she shuts her eyes. _'Damn.' _

Sitting there and debating with herself she lost track of time. It must be already 15 minutes, sitting on the seat in the women's restroom and arguing with herself why it is not right to read the email. She knows that is it wrong and she repeats it over and over again.

- One new Email - was constantly staring back at her, burning itself in the back of her eyes. Even if she closes them, she sees it and it taunts her, haunts her. Doubt nudging her again. Poking her in her side, her arm and in the back. Leaving behind a lasting dull pain which crawls reluctant to her heart. _'He doesn't love you.'_whispers this disgusting being inside her. And she wants to rip it out of her, to crush it. She wants to have proof, a nice tidy looking folder with all the evidence to hold against it, inside. She wants photos, videos, messages. And she wants memories, recollections of the evidence with a stamp on it, able to tell and show this creation of insecureness in her subconsciousness that it is so damn wrong.

But she doesn't have it.

The only thing she has, is this one, tiny, little email. Calling out to her. Luring her, that inside her, maybe, is the one thing that could explain everything, that could have the prove she needs.

_'It's probably just spam.'_ she puts the nail of her thumb between her teeth and nibbles on it. _'I will just delete it and it will look like he never received it. A mail failure. Happens all the time.'_And its then that her twisted reasoning wins over her normal principles.

The feeling of disgust raises inside her at her own behavior, as her fingers fly over the display, easily opening the email. But she can't hold herself back now that she has trespassed this one line. It opens with just some simple touches and the text appears before her.

## Told you it would be hot, Alex. How did you even manage to hold it so steady ? ;) ##

Beckett looks puzzled. "Alex ?" she says loud with furrowed brows. But then she remembers again. _'Right, Richard Alexander.. Alex..'_ Pursing her lips she narrows her eyes at the rest of the email. There was a file attached, seems to be a video.

_'Do I really want to see that ?'_ asking herself, her finger begin to tremble as they hover over the display of his handy. She doesn't even blink or think about it for a second longer, as her thumb presses down and starts the attached video. Too late to turn your back on it.

* * *

Shaky Video footage comes to live. There is nothing to perceive, the image is blurred. The movement of the camera too rapid that it can fixate and focus to sharpen the image. A voice is heard.

"Here we go.." the voice of Richard Castle chatters cockily. Followed by a laugh in the background, highly probable from a woman. The camera tries to focus again and again until it seems steady for long enough to finally accomplish it.

A Woman is seen. She sits on the ground, between two rows of black leather seats. As she goes on her kneels, she crawls in direction of the camera and more of the surrounding comes into view. It looks like the inside of a limousine. The windows are dimmed, emitting only a small amount of light inside.

"So rich and crisp.." purrs the attractive brunette, who is only clad in a short black mini skirt and a already half opened white blouse. The black provocative bra underneath flashes into view. She lifts her hands on something nearby, the camera moves slightly and in sight come knees, which probable belong to no one else then Castle himself. The brunette raises her body, but the video still focuses straight forwards, which results in a close-up view of her decollete.

"I smell sex all over you." whispers the woman seductive while the camera lens is now pressed against the woman's breast. The image is black, there is nothing to see anymore. But the amused sound of Castles voice reaches the device to capture it. "And who could possibly be responsible for that ?"

Rumbling is heard and into view of the footage come light and dark images, blurred and not recognizable. Until everything stills and the lens sharpens. The camera reveals Castle, staring down to the floor of the limousine straight into the lens of the camera. "Shit." he curses while he tries to shift on the seat. On his lap, straddling him, the brunette woman who also stares down to the camera.

"Watch it Alex, I don't want to buy a new phone. They aren't on the market yet." she whines and slaps him on his shoulder. He wears a white dress shirt, a tie which was surely sometime earlier tidily attached to his collar, was hanging loose around his neck.

"Turn around." he growls as his eyes stare the woman down. She gives in without a further word, but before she turns, she grabs the phone from the ground and cradles it in her hand. The video sways around and shows the floor. The sound of a zipper resonates through the dark limousine.

"Considering your former job, i don't think there will be a problem in getting one of these again." he appears to be everything else then bothered by it. The camera shakes lightly up, a female moan vibrates through the car.

"Oh.. that's, that#s not the point." Castle lets out a silent groan while the phone sways again. The woman gasps and asks curious "How do you even guess these things ?

"I don't guess, I observe." He replies without a hesitation as the video blurs, the phone turns around and in view comes the smiling face of the brunette. "Mhh yes.." she moans while she closes her eyes briefly.

"How did you know I used to work as .." but he won't let her finish the sentence before giving her her answer. "Google."

"Oh yes.." she grins while her body moves on Castles lap. A hand gets into view and grabs the phone out of the woman's hands. He is leaned back in his seat, while the unknown woman moves rhythmically. Her hand cup one of her breast and she sighs loudly. He focuses the camera on her back and head, her long hair covers her right shoulder. He lifts his free hand on her back to lean her further forward. She doesn't complain, it even gets her to moan louder while he pushes his hips upwards against her.

"Tell me.. " he pants. "why are you doing this.. ? Protecting people, for the cost of you life." he asks her while the shaking of the phone increases.

"Maybe you are worth it..." she responds, but it is clear that she doesn't mean it, she sounds way too amused.

And he laughs.

"Maybe for the money..." she says while it gets harder for her to speak clear. Her breathing increases, she seems to be near the end.

"Maybe because of the.." a full-mouthed moan is heard before a deep sigh escapes her lips and her body relaxes over him. "thrill..." she finishes softly.

Castle groans and his hands fall to his sides, causing the phone to lay on the seat, showing only a black nothing. "Mmh.. yes." his muffled voice is heard. "Show me...show me the thrill." The Camera moves again, this time it seems to be in the hands of the woman again. Castle stares with a serious expression in her direction, past the phone "I want more, show me something I don't know." he requests with a deep vibrating sound.

"Oh I will show you." the woman tells him cocky. "It will make you free in a way you have never known." And one of her fingers strokes over his bottom lip before the phone goes off.

* * *

The clattering sound of a falling phone echoes through the women's restroom. Beckett stares wide eyed and with parted lips to the wall. _'Is that from last night ?'_she thinks and jerks upwards. Only to turn around and fall back to her knees holding herself over the toilet seat she says panting and in shock.

"Oh god...I think I'm going to vomit.."

* * *

~ Thoughts ? ~

_A/N – Next chapter is finally Castle time ! Try to post the next one faster, promise ! Would make me happy to read some reviews from you. How do you find it so far ? :)_


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N – As promised, a faster release than the last one but a shorter one too. Did I mention that I love your reviews ? So, don't hold back please, it keeps me going and makes me really happy !_**

**_I need to point out, that it is important to take notice of the date. Its now three days after the last chapter with Beckett. And on Stage comes, Richard Castle._**

* * *

Point of View - Suspect  
**Saturday, August the 13th**

A buzzing, followed by a short vibration which echoes threw the wood of a nightstand. Repeatedly, a small device tries to get attention as it slowly moves its way over the smooth surface. The Display, as the only source of light illuminating the small room, isn't enough to cast shadows. A small picture shows itself, a woman smiling as bright as the sun touching the first dewdrops in spring after a long and cold winter,doesn't wants to vanish. As the little device tries to make its way over the bedside table, it desperately doesn't loose hope in getting the so wished attention from someone near it. It isn't loud enough to annoy, just enough to be noticed, if someone is willing to listen. Bravery and hope driving it forward until the end is in sight. And still, with its loosing time, it doesn't stop. Remaining only seconds before it will be over and some faith will be destroyed. With a last, steady vibration the small but persistent device makes its last outcry and goes over the end of the nightstand. In midair, with the ground in sight as a steady reminder of the finality of a moment in time, it turns itself around. And, if someone would be near, maybe on the bed which resides beside the little wooden night table, the display would have been turned and blatant shown a smile fading away and only darkness remaining. Just a blink, not even a complete second, half a heartbeat later but a point in time lost, its last breath accomplishes to deliver a light blue message -You have 1 missed call.-

On a wooden floor lands with a thud the quiet little device, which was full of live just moments ago. This sound which fills the hollowness in the darkness has awaken a noise, louder than the engines from the cars out on the streets. With a growl, a body moves underneath the sheets and the air streaming out of the nostrils of this man cant even in the slightest diminish the discontent caused by this disturbance. Never opening his eyes, he doesn't see the meaningless action he is going to participate in as he grabs the device from the ground, presses his thumb on the display and holds it to his ear.

"What ?" He barks in the empty and dark room. Listening to nothing, he realizes after long seconds, that he doesn't get a response and with a slight movement he takes the device from his face, opens his eyes a crack and narrows them to decipher the things displayed. With a resigning "Great." he lets his head fall back on the mattress and closes his eyes in desire to suppress reality for another breath. As he raises his arm over his eyes, his hand squeezes the now resting instrument of the commotion. He tries to wake his thoughts, his memory, but as hard as he pushes his concentration alive he fails to make a story out of it. The common thread which was always so present in his live, seems cut, severed and roughly patched-up, only chaos remaining. A movement beside him shakes him out of his state and his head snaps to his side. In an instant his eyes widen thrice as he makes out the shade of a body beside him. His heart increases the pace of his hitting and he tries to reassure himself that the loud throbbing in his ears and the movement it generates inside his body wont awake the person near him. Because, if his heartbeat was an stimulus for movement, it would burst the speed indicator and an audible alarm would be heard while his body would definitely bounce out of this bed by it. Instead he stills, his whole body doesn't want to move. Even his breathing seems to have the same thought as him. _'Don't fucking_ m_ove !'_ Slow and hesitant he tries to get the so needed air inside his lungs without to make a motion or sound. His eyes staring at the warm form alongside his, lying on its stomach. Quick he outlines the shade and lets himself loose a long breath he has hold on for way too long. A Woman.

Does she look familiar ? He isn't sure and if the blackness in his memory is any indicator he doesn't want to know, does he ? One thing is clear for him, he needs to get out of here, definitive. So he moves, slowly. His eyes staring at the naked back of the woman. As he lifts the sheets from his lower body, he states that yes, he really is naked. With his hand still holding the phone, he presses his thumb to the display. Without a noise it comes alive again and this tiny source of light is now his only hope in gathering his belongings. _'Seems to be the perfect moment to loose some hope. What the hell happened ?'_ As his foots make contact with the cold wooden floor he pushes his heavy body up from the bed and the warm and living being still sleeping in it. He is on his feet, well he thinks he is until he begins to stumble and his vision begins to blur. "Oh Fuck." He sighs heavily and his hand snaps to his head trying to steady his whole body from falling to the ground. Yeah, not really realistic but it seems to him worth a shot. His other hand grips for the nightstand and yes, that is absolutely the better idea. How long is he already staying here, a minute ? Two ? He has no clue but he needs to move. So he eases his breathing again before he takes another deep inhalation of the sweet oxygen. With open eyes he starts to clear the floor and begins to set one feet after the other. The lightning from his phone lets him only guess what some things are he notices lying around. Only three feet away from the bed and he already walks into something. He lifts his left foot and holds the display so, that he can make out the object clinging to it. "Jeez.. this is awkward" he whispers inside the dark room as he wiggles his foot "..and disgusting" as a condom falls to the ground. '_Finally.'_ He sees his trousers and starts immediately to climb into them. His hands closing the zipper of his jeans as he hears the sheet of the bed moving. Inside his head he goes through every possible apology he can think of and there aren't exactly many at the moment. He doesn't dare to breath, he just stares inside the burdensome darkness of the room, where he assumes to be the bed. Until he gets what he wants, he will wait, patiently. And what he wants is silence, the absence of sound. No soft sound of sheets clinging to a naked body and moving with it in a melancholic dance of warmth. And finally, he can hear it and also he got lucky, a gift is presented to him in form of slow breathing. And now he is really sure, that yes, she is still asleep.

With his jeans on and his phone in his hand, he makes his way further through the room and finds his white dress shirt. Now secured over his arm he already noticed his shoes lying on the ground near the door. _'Think Rick, think. You can't possibly have been drinking that much..'_ With a last look in direction of the bed and no answer to his own questions, he picks up his shoes and sneaks his way out of the door.

Its blinding him. Its bright and too much. As the door to the room closes with a clunked shut he sighs, loud. As his eyes adjust to the blazing light of the hallway, his body leans against the door and drops slowly to the ground. He finds his elbows on his knees, hands in his face and his eyes closed. He grinds his jaw as anger built up inside him and he gets furious with himself. His head snaps back against the door and his body tenses as he slowly opens his eyes again and stares at the ceiling. With a surrendering sigh he whispers into the forlornness "What shall i tell Beckett ?" '_Damn it.'_

* * *

_~ Thoughts ? ~  
~ Please tell me what you think about this chapter ! I would really love to read your opinion. ~_


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